Trump Wants Canada to Be the 51st State? Canadians Would Rather Eat Yellow Snow

And he'll choke on the idea once he finally realizes Canadians support ...gasp!...socialism

In the latest episode of Seriously, Is This Real Life?, businessman and Shark Tank star Kevin O’Leary has revealed that President-elect Donald Trump isn’t just fantasizing about turning Canada into America’s 51st state—he’s actually hosting discussions about it at Mar-a-Lago. Yes, while most people might spend their time planning sensible policies or staffing a competent cabinet, Trump is apparently doodling maple leaves on “Make Canada American, Eh?” baseball caps and strategizing annexation over shrimp cocktails.

Trump singing the praises for his idea (of course) on his puttering Twitter rip-off, Truth Social (of course again): “If Canada merged with the U.S., there would be no Tariffs, taxes would go way down, and they would be TOTALLY SECURE from the threat of the Russian and Chinese Ships that are constantly surrounding them.” Because clearly, Canadians are lying awake at night, trembling in fear of rogue fishing boats and theoretical invasions.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t diplomacy. It’s the political equivalent of showing up uninvited to your neighbor’s barbecue, demanding their beer fridge, and explaining it’s for their own good. Trump’s pitch is less about partnership and more about a hostile corporate takeover, with all the charm of a bad infomercial. And it’s safe to say Canadians, who already politely endure their proximity to the U.S., are not clamoring for an upgrade to full membership in Trump’s America.

Starting off - health care.

Canadians may grumble about wait times, but they’d take their universal system over America’s medical Hunger Games any day. A recent poll found that 86.2% of Canadians support strengthening public healthcare instead of expanding for-profit services. Trump’s version of “freedom” might involve a $10,000 ambulance ride, but Canadians prefer their version, which lets them hit the slopes without worrying about whether a broken leg will also break the bank. Sorry, Donald, but paying $300 for an Advil isn’t exactly what they’d call “great again.”

And let’s talk about social progress, a subject that would likely give Trump and his base a collective nosebleed. Canada legalized gay marriage way back in 2005, leaving the U.S. scrambling to catch up a full decade later. And in 2017, the Canadian Human Rights Act was updated to protect gender identity and gender expression, making Canada a global leader in LGBTQ+ rights. Canadians support protecting transgender people in housing, employment, and public spaces, while Trump’s crowd throws around the term “groomer” like it’s a national sport. The idea of merging these two wildly different value systems is as absurd as serving poutine with ketchup instead of gravy—an insult to both sides.

Of course, don’t forget the gun thing. Trump’s America treats guns like a sacred birthright, while Canadians approach firearms with the kind of cautious distance usually reserved for overly friendly raccoons. The U.S. has more guns than people; Canada regulates them with a level of care that would make even Switzerland blush. Canadians aren’t about to give up their relatively low gun violence rates to adopt a system where a trip to Walmart can involve dodging an active shooter.

There’s also the cultural chasm that is Trump-style politics, which would leave Canadians feeling like they’ve stepped out of the library into a WWE wrestling match. Canadian politics may be dull by comparison, but that’s kind of the point. Canadians are happy to settle disputes over coffee and donuts, not angry tweet storms and “Stop the Steal” rallies. Watching Trump declare “CANADA IS A DISASTER, I’LL FIX IT!” would likely send Canadians scrambling for the border—just not in the direction he’s hoping for.And guns—oh, the guns. America has more firearms than people, and Trump seems to think that’s a feature, not a bug. Canadians, on the other hand, treat guns with the same wary respect they reserve for grizzly bears: necessary in some situations, but not something you invite into your home for fun. The idea of adopting the U.S.’s trigger-happy culture would likely send Canadians running—not walking—to the border.

Culturally, the fit is laughable. Canadian politics may be a snoozefest compared to America’s daily political circus, but that’s exactly how they like it. Canadians prefer their leaders to apologize for minor missteps, not launch all-caps tirades on social media. The idea of being dragged into Trump’s reality-TV version of governance would likely have them clutching their maple leaf flags for dear life.

And don’t even get started on the metric system. Canadians have no interest in abandoning kilometers and Celsius just because America still thinks the imperial system is a good idea. Asking Canadians to measure their snow in inches is like asking Americans to care about hockey—it’s just not going to happen.

Of course, there’s also the environment. Canada, with its vast forests and pristine national parks, at least pretends to care about climate change. Trump’s track record? Let’s just say he probably considers clean air an optional feature. For a country that treasures its wilderness, the prospect of joining an administration that treats pipelines like holy relics is less than appealing.

At the end of the day, Trump’s dream of annexing Canada is as realistic as a moose becoming a Shark Tank judge. Canadians might be polite, but they’re not fools. If Trump thinks they’d willingly sign up for his version of America—complete with privatized healthcare, culture wars, and gun-toting chaos—then he’s delusional enough to start printing “Welcome to Trumpada” T-shirts.

So, sorry, Donald, but this one’s a hard no. Canadians will keep their universal healthcare, progressive policies, and snow-covered independence. And if you push the issue, expect a polite, yet firm, response: Thanks, but no thanks. Now, if you’ll excuse them, they have poutine to eat and a hockey game to watch. You know, priorities.